and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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