Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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