Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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