I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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