Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
