I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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