Can Purell be used as lube?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
