hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
