I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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