This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
