That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
