my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
