from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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