508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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