but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
