Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
