She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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