I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
