Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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