I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
