do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
