I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is my gift to your gina
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
