He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need a beard to bite.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
