Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
