if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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