I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
