Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
