home. puking in laundry basket.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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