So drunk its hurt
someone threw a dead crab at me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
