Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
