If i come over, it means nothing
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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