Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
