After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
