you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
