I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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