i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
