and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
