dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
