got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
