he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
