What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
