bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My feet surprised me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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