i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
