whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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