if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
