you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
