By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
