Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
