I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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