I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
