I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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