Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
