You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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