The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
