She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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