i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
