I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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