Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
