Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
